ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
