He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
