Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
