I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
