Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I FOUND THE LEGS
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
