you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
