Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Mom said you looked used
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
