dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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