he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
