Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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