Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
