I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He better not be in your backpack
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
