I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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