YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
