A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
