And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
