i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
