12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
