I heard we made out
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
