If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
