He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
