What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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