Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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