I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
