i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
