sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
