ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
