dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
