Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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