Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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