I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
