The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
