Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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