super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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