Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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