Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
