dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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