Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
