Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
