wrigley field is MILF paradise
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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