My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
