so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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