My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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