when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
