He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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