I'm lost and stupid without you.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
