We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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