Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
