I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
