what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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