he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
